One more college joke…

 

A UCD, a DIT and a Trinity student were in an aeroplane crash. They’re up in Heaven, and God’s sitting on the Great White Throne. God addresses the UCD student first:

               

‘What do you believe in?’ he asks.

 

‘Well’, the UCD student replies, ‘I believe in power to the little people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things, and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people’s pain.’

 

God thinks for a second. ‘Okay’, he then says, ‘I can live with that. Come and sit on my left.’

 

God then addresses the DIT student: ‘What do you believe in?’

 

The DIT student responds: ‘Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we’ll all die…Waaaaahhhh.’

 

God thinks for a second, then says: ‘Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit on my right.’

 

God then turns to the Trinity student. ‘And you?’ he says, ‘what do you believe?’

 

‘I believe’, the Trinity student replies, ‘you are sitting in my chair.’

 

More College Jokes

Just because I couldn’t leave you for the weekend on a Real IRA note…

Q. How do you get an IT grad off your front porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.

Q. What do tornados and Arts grads have in common?
A. They both end up in trailer parks.

Q. How many Athlone IT students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None – Westmeath looks better in the dark.

Q. How many Trinity students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One – he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

Q. How many UCD students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two – one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as well as the Trinity student.

Q. How many Bolton Street DIT students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Three – one to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.

Q. If you see a DIT student on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

Q. What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead UCC student in the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q. What do you have when 100 Arts students are buried up to their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. What do science students use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.

Q. You have a gun with only two bullets and you are trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a UCC student. What should you do?
A. Shoot the UCC student…twice.

Thanks again: Mick T

College Jokes

Special thanks: Mick Torrans

 

Q. Why don’t they have Christmas at DCU?
A. They can’t find three wise men and a virgin.

 

Q. How can you tell if a Trinity student is heterosexual?
A. He can outrun his roommate!

 

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Carlow campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

 

Q. What’s the first thing a BESS bird does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

 

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Trinity?
A. With a restraining order.

 

Q. What does a UCD student call a Trinity student after graduation?
A. Boss

 

Q. What do you call an LIT student in a suit?
A. The defendant.

 

Q. What do you call a UL graduate in a suit?
A. The LIT student’s lawyer.

 

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Carlow?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

 

Q. Did you hear that the library at DIT Kevin Street burned down?

A. Naturally, the students were very upset…some of the books weren’t even   coloured in yet.

 

Q. Why do UCD graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?

A. So they can park in the handicap spaces.

 

Okay, that’s enough snobbery for now – but more soon!